I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
