You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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