Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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