Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
