They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
