just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
