can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize