There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
