I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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