I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
