I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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