Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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