just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
