Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i barfeds in our rink
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
