I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
