I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
