Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
