A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
