so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
