u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
