she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
