U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
