i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
