i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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