soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
