dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
