After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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