i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
