Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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