Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
