Swine flu. Run for my life!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
