i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
