I will die if light touches me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
