How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
