maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize