Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize