Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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