Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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