I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
