Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
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