it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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