Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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