you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
