i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
