i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
