Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I look better un-naked...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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