went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
