dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
