Me too!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
