Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
