That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
