He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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