ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
