I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
