3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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