is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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