Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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