I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She's JV to your varsity
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
