i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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