Having a random hookup so left but love u
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
