YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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