How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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