Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
