She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize