She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
