so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
